I had a day today. It was one of those days where you put the kids to bed and promise yourself that you will be a better person tomorrow, because I just didn't cut it today. Stella is not taking naps anymore but she still gets tired. This is a toxic combination for parental stress and frustration. Add a ten month baby into that recipe and you find a fraction of the cool, calm, and collected person that once was me.
The day started rough. Stella insisted on wearing a dress to preschool and tried on no less than six. Then on the way to school she argued with her car pool buddy little E over what song they would listen to (she wanted to listen to Pinkalicious the audio book while lil E wanted to listen to Purplicious). Once kids were dropped off I took a deep breath and headed over to the local bazaar.
I went to a booth that was selling the CUTEST girls clothes on the planet. From what I can tell they are overruns intended to go to Marshals. So I go and pick out a few outfits and ask the price. They quote a price that is almost double the tag on the Marshals tag. I wasn't in the mood to argue, but they heard it from me. I pointed out the dollar value of the outfit, the fact that this has yet to leave the Philippines (where it was made), and then told them they needed to drop their price by about 50%. In the end I got it below the Marshals price but it took a price on my sanity.
All of this is just to premise the mood I was in when I went outside with the kids. I should also note before I go on that Tiger has started taking a few step at a time and full time walking seems inevitable. Also, he no longer will touch baby food and insists on eating solids by himself, and nothing slimy. He knows what he wants.
So then I go outside, feeling super on edge from terrible-two-ness and vendor venom and then I see a neighbor's little boy who is 18 months old with his two yayas. He has been walking for 6 months and I see them holding his arms and not letting him even try. I can tell in the few seconds that he escapes that he is not where he should be in coordination for his age, and I am annoyed they don't let him walk. Then the kid sits down for a snack and they pull out baby food that you would give a four month old, and they spoon feed it to him, this kid has teeth and is never allowed to even try solids, at 18 months. Give me a break.
OK, I love this place but I need to rant for a minute. I think a large disservice that this society experiences is the outsourcing of the child rearing to the yaya. Admittedly we have a yaya and she is a lot of help but you had better believe that she knows the way mom does it and follows suit, and I do the bulk of the child stuff (I leave toilets, laundry, and beds for her). But it kills me to see darling, smart, cute, precocious children from Philippine elite being completely raised by yayas that have very little education of anything.
They take care of their ward not by trying to help the child learn and grow but by keeping the child like a newborn infant as long as humanly possible. I have seen six month babies that cannot hold their head up because the yayas would not allow them to use their neck muscles. I have seen a baby that was not allowed to walk when she started showing an inclination to take off.
It's not okay. The yaya culture creates a spoiled and dependent child that never learns to do things on their own and eventually grows up to be a little emperor and bosses the yaya around like their personal slave. I do not exaggerate. There are many a stories of kids going off to college and taking their yaya with them to do their laundry and make their beds. I see six year olds with liter size bottles of milk with the baby bottle nipple. Seriously?
The idea of teaching your child to do things on their own is not a positive idea. It is against the cultural norm to have a child sleep alone. I have had many locals shocked when they found out Tiger has his own room, the cruelty of me. There are yayas that will stay in the room and wait while the child naps, you know, just in case. So...heaven forbid a child be allowed to feed themselves.
The international school that the Filipino elite, expats, and embassy folks send their kids is in our neighborhood. Until last year they had yayas coming in at lunch time to feed the kindergartners. When they changed the rules this year there were many children sitting with their mouths open waiting to be fed.
I need to say, I love America! I love that there is a societal norm that includes teaching children to do things on their own so they can be competent adults (not that it always happens, but people know that there is expectations). I love that people in the U.S. think, "Hmmm, is that best for my child?" Because I don't know if that question comes up enough here. Actually after birth sometimes I wonder if the parents even see their kids. When I go to the park there are very few mommies and a whole lotta yayas.
As for my kids, they may be difficult at times but I am so proud of them. They are both learning how to navigate this world on their own and turning out to be good little people. Tiger understands the meaning of "no" and listens. Stella feels bad when she does something wrong and has said almost every night before she goes to bed, "tomorrow I won't be mean to X" or "tomorrow I will be a good sharer." Some may think that this age doesn't matter, but it does and it is too important to outsource the bulk of moral teaching and child rearing to someone who is getting paid $100 a month. Ok, rant complete.
